Happy birthday to me! This birthday is a big one for me; I am now a quarter of a century old and officially halfway through my twenties. No one ever tells you how difficult your early twenties are going to be. You know how you hear about the dreaded terrible twos, referencing the year that toddlers seem to be the crankiest? Well, there should be a whole new saying about the terrifying early twenties.
As my 25th birthday approached, I reflected a lot about my past. These past five years especially, have been the most difficult and transformative years of my life. There have been so many ups and downs. I have been confused, angry, lonely, discouraged and pretty much every other emotion you can think of. You never realize how much change occurs in your early twenties until you live through it. Throughout it all I have learned an immense amount of lessons, most of them the hard way.
To commemorate my 25th birthday, I decided I would share my “25 lessons learned” that I wish I would have known before my twenties. For those of you who are not yet through your early twenties, you may feel isolated or so completely confused about what to do for the rest of your life. Please know that you are not alone. Just know that all dark times do end up making you stronger in the end. It’s hard to believe that in the moment, but trust me; every bad situation I have been through has taught me something new about myself and has made me who I am today.
1. There is no such thing as perfect.
That goes for people, relationships, jobs or just life in general. Nothing will ever be perfect. That means that you must get in touch with your expectations. For your own sake, make sure to set realistic expectations in the beginning.
2. Eat more mindfully.
Let’s just say, if you start out doing this the right way you will save yourself a lot of trouble. Everyone knows that losing the weight is A LOT harder than gaining it. In case you haven’t been told this already, most people are not blessed with the metabolism of a 14-year-old forever. As you grow older, your body changes and so does your metabolism. I advise learning to better portion your food and balance your diet early on before it becomes a problem.
3. Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize your time.
I cannot stress prioritization enough. Gain an understanding of what the most important things are in your life and make a point of doing them as much as possible. Find a balance once you prioritize everything to ensure that you are fulfilled in all aspects of life.
4. Don’t forget to unplug.
Whether you are in high school, college or already out in the workforce, please do not waste precious time surfing social media aimlessly just to avoid what you really should be doing. I am not saying that you can’t take a mental break or plan out time to relax. I am just saying, be more mindful of how you are actually spending your time because I would hate for you to look back at the past month, or week, or day and think to yourself, what did I accomplish? It would really suck to realize that your answer could be, not a lot, if anything at all.
5. Be mindful of your words.
Not to be stereotypical, but we all know most folks in our early twenties speak first and think last. I am sure we have all had our ‘oh crap’ moments when we have said something that we really wish we could take back but we realize ‘it’s too late’. After so many of those moments, you have an ‘a-ha’ moment where you think, ‘crap, my mom was right, I really need to think before I speak’. Trust me, it happens, and if it hasn’t happened to you already, you have been warned.
6. Don’t ever feel stuck.
You are young, now is the time to make mistakes and learn from them. Don’t ever feel trapped in a decision. Make the choice to do something different regardless of how afraid you are. If you don’t, you may regret it forever. Just think of it this way, even if it turns out to be a horrible decision, at least you know now instead of always wondering ‘what if?’.
7. Stop comparing yourself to others.
We live in the day and age of social media where it seems like all anyone does anymore is wish they were someone else or living a different life altogether. The earlier you understand that no one is perfect even if they appear to be, the better. Everyone is unique in his or her own way, that is how it is meant to be or else the world would be a very boring place.
8. Let bygones be bygones.
You will learn quickly that living with negative emotions sucks the joy out of every aspect of your life. Holding on to such hostility will bring you more harm than good. Learn to let go and understand that you do not have to agree with or be friends with everyone.
9. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
Do not rely on anyone else to make you happy. True happiness is the kind that you find within yourself. Seeking approval or appraisal from someone else to make you feel better about yourself will not last long if you are not content with yourself.
10. Appreciate the little things.
Sometimes the little things in life end up being the things that mean the most. That means, appreciate the moments that you would most often take for granted. Embracing this view can help you stop placing so much importance on undesirable events that are occurring.
11. Don’t take things personally.
Stop being so sensitive about the words or actions of other people. You never actually know if you are truly interpreting what other people are saying the right way. Try not to assume things that you do not know for sure.
12. Don’t apologize for things that are not your fault.
There are plenty of things that you should apologize for in life, but things that you cannot control are not one of them. Realize that by apologizing for something that was not your doing, you are showing low emotional intelligence. Decide to provide a solution or express your consideration differently.
13. Create your own path.
Find what makes you happy and what you want to do with your life. Don’t worry about if others are going to approve or understand what you are doing. Everything happens for a reason and will work out how it is supposed to. There are a million ways to get from point A to point B, find your own way and don’t feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone.
14. Not everyone is going to like you.
It’s ok to not be liked by everyone, trust me. Growing comfortable with your beliefs and opinions will make it easier for you to accept that not everyone will agree with you. There are so many people in the world, choose to surround yourself with the ones who compliment your personality.
15. Dogs are truly a man’s (or woman’s) best friend.
My dogs have always been there for me no matter what. It’s sad but it’s the truth. They don’t judge me or questions me for bad decisions that I have made. They love me no matter what. After a long, bad day, I love nothing more than to come home and get all the doggie snuggles that I want.
16. Take time for yourself.
Do not feel guilty for needing a little time to yourself. Making time for yourself can help you clear your head so you can focus on things that really matter in your life. Inner growth takes place only when you make a point to find a moment to breathe in solitude. Let’s not forget that it would help your sanity as well.
17. Be patient.
I cannot stress this lesson enough. If I had adopted patience earlier, it definitely would have saved me from a lot of stress-induced panic attacks. I constantly wanted everything accomplished right away. I never felt like waiting for anything. This made me relentlessly on edge instead of being able to enjoy what I already had in the moment.
Being patient and letting life take it’s course will help you enjoy things in the moment, stress less and appreciate the journey it took to reach your goals.
18. Choose your friends wisely.
Make sure that you are surrounding yourself with people who appreciate and value your friendship. I learned the hard way that friendships do not work unless both sides put effort into the relationship. One-sided friendships are the worst and a total waste of your time and energy.
19. Be kind.
Trust me, you won’t regret it. I firmly believe that what you put out into the world will end up being what you receive. There will be many moments in life where it would be so much easier to be unkind, but train yourself to recognize that everyone has their own wars that they are fighting within. Your kindness can be so impactful to those around you.
20. You are enough.
I consider this to be the single most important lesson that I desperately wish I had learned a lot earlier in life. Learn to love yourself for who you are. Stop expecting yourself to be more. You do not have to be perfect at everything. Accept that you do not need anyone or anything; you are enough.
21. Be open to change.
Change can be such a scary concept. Remaining flexible and open-minded can open so many new doors in your life. I wish I started out open-minded in many situations. I have always been terrified of change because I hate not knowing what is going to happen in the future. Those who remain open to change tend to have less stress in their lives. In your early twenties, there tends to be a lot of change; going to college, moving out of your childhood home, getting a full-time job, getting married and so many other life changing decisions. If you go into each of those life-changing events with an open mind, you may notice that you are a lot more content and happy.
22. Learn from the past but keep your eyes on the future.
I know most of you have heard the saying about never looking back and always looking forward instead. I have found that there is a huge difference between dwelling on the past and just reflecting on the past. I would not be me without everything that has occurred up until this point. I choose to reflect and remember my lessons learned from the past while I keep moving forward and pursuing a better future.
23. Do not let money control you.
Learn to save your money and be financially responsible. Set a budget that you can live off of so that money will not control your life. Understand what you can and cannot afford. Creating a plan for your finances will help you in the long run, trust me.
24. Never stop learning.
Make a commitment to yourself to never stop evolving. In order to evolve, you must never stop learning. You will never regret self-improvement. Keep your goals in mind and strive to learn and be the best that you that you can be. This was always a tough lesson for me to follow and I never understood why until just recently. I realized that I felt stagnant at work and there was no room to learn and grow in the job. It was then that I understood that I needed to change the line of work that I was doing in order to feel the want and need to grow and learn.
25. Life could be worse.
I cannot stress this one enough. I have trained myself to think this way whenever I am upset or frustrated with a situation. It helps me identify that my situation really isn’t that bad and that I will be able to move on. It makes me actually appreciate what I have instead of harping on something that really isn’t that big of a deal.
Your early twenties are where you will learn so much about yourself. You will grow and set your foundation for the rest of your life. Don’t underestimate yourself and what you are capable of. Everything that you are able to get through and learn from will only make you a stronger person in the end. Just think of all the lessons you will learn before you are 50!
Kirsty Conway 