Being married for over a year has been an amazing experience! We learned so much through all the ups and downs that our first year of marriage has brought us. You never truly understand how many challenges and changes you will encounter as a newlywed couple until you have to live through it.
I have to say, being married feels great. I didn’t think marriage would feel any different than it did when dating but I was so wrong. It still gives me butterflies every time I get to refer to my husband as ‘husband’. I honestly can’t even imagine a time that my husband wasn’t in my life.
Looking back and reflecting on everything we were able to get through this past year makes me realize everything is happening so fast. I can only imagine all of the other exciting moments we are going to get to share together throughout the rest of our forever. I am so very thankful that God gave me my husband because even through the trials and tribulations, he is everything I could have asked for and more.
During our first year of marriage we have grown, as a married couple, in ways that I didn’t even know were possible. We learned very quickly that as a married couple, you have a lot more things to take into account. There were times we felt overwhelmed or worried but we pulled through together. Through the following 15 tips we learned from our first year of marriage, I hope to help prepare couples that are thinking about getting married or are newly married, survive their first year of marriage.
1. Show gratitude
It is always nice to hear that someone appreciates you and everything you do. It doesn’t have to be constant but just know that your spouse will appreciate hearing how thankful you are for everything that they do.
2. Make time for one another
Make each other a priority. Spending time together is key to ensuring that you do not grow apart. Making time can mean anything from talking, snuggling while watching TV – whatever helps you both feel connected.
3. Be patient
Being patient can make or break a marriage. Understand that disagreements are bound to happen. Approach testy situations carefully and understand that being calm and patient will prevent arguments from getting out of control.
4. Eat dinner together without distractions
Dinner is a time for my husband and I to connect and communicate. It allows for us to speak openly about our days. I have found that it is one of the only times where we are alone and without distractions. I encourage those couples who have children to set aside at least one night a week to have dinner just the two of you.
5. Communication is key
This tip is arguably the most important because without communication you are unable to function as a couple. You must be able to communicate in order to understand your spouse’s wants and needs. Keeping open communication with your spouse allows for you to build trust in one another.
6. Forgive the small things
Let the little annoyances go. I wish I had learned this lesson earlier. I know sometimes it is difficult to let things go but you will benefit from picking your battles. It is a waste of time and energy fighting your spouse on the small and insignificant things. Trust me, there were many nights I picked a fight over nothing and woke up the next morning mad at myself because I couldn’t even remember what I was upset about. Accept that your spouse will make mistakes, but not all of them are worth fighting about.
7. You do not have to rush into having kids
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I have always wanted to have kids at a young age. It is hard for me to accept that not everything is going to happen according to my plan that I have always had in my head. I have found that it is important to enjoy the newlywed-phase with your spouse before jumping into having children. Once you have children, you’re whole lifestyle changes and you are not living for yourself or your spouse any longer, you are living for your children.
8. Make sure to compromise
Get to know you and your spouse’s common interests, beliefs and goals. Understand that you and your spouse will never want or think the same thing all the time. Ever heard the saying, ‘You win some and you lose some’? Well get used to it because you can’t always get what you want. Unfortunately, compromise is inevitable in any marriage.
9. Budget finances together
Understanding each other’s financial goals will enable you to work together in agreeing on a budget that works for both of you. Whether you decide to combine your finances or not, creating a monthly budget is highly beneficial. Budgeting allows for both you and your spouse to understand how you would both like to spend your money and how much you both would like to save.
10. Make time for intimacy
In every marriage there is a need for intimacy in order to remain connected. As a married couple, you learn that intimacy can be so much more than just sex. Intimacy can mean emotionally connecting with your spouse. I believe that connecting with my spouse on a deeper level allowing for us to be in tune with each other’s emotions will lead to a successful and fulfilling marriage. As for physical intimacy, there is still a need for that in any successful marriage. Understand your spouse’s expectations and needs for physical intimacy. Don’t forget to keep things exciting!
11. Have faith in God
Our faith got us through many challenging times. A lot of ups and down occur during your first year of marriage that can test your bond. Asking God for direction and trusting that he will guide us through the rough times has been exactly what we needed.
12. Be unified
When you become a married couple you are essentially a team now. Make decisions together and understand that you each play a different role in your relationship. Both are equally important roles but understanding each of your strengths and weaknesses will help you decide which roles you should fill. In the end, you are both working together to achieve a successful marriage.
13. Support each other’s dreams
A strong marriage includes supporting each other’s wants and needs. Make sure you have communicated your hopes and dreams to your spouse. This will help you better align your goals and understand how to better support your spouse as they work to achieve their goals. Be there for moral support and keep open communication along the way. Remember how great it feels to have someone who is there for you no matter what the outcome is.
14. Say ‘I love you’ and mean it unconditionally
When you said your vows, you agreed to, ‘for better or for worse’. Love your spouse unconditionally, flaws and all. No one is perfect but when you chose to marry your spouse, you chose to accept them for who they are and love them forever.
15. Forgive fully
This one can be tough at times, but will help you in the long run. Try not to harp on things that happened in the past. If something bothers you, talk to your spouse about it. Communicate to them what is needed for forgiveness and move on. Then, make a conscious effort to do exactly that, forgive and forget – move on. No one likes when someone else constantly brings up the mistakes they have made.
Kirsty Conway 